Raison D’être
by dharkephoenyx
Summary: One-shot. Edward reminisces on the blessings and reasons that his life is the way it is now.. I really need a better summary.. A/H, ExB


**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Twilight_. The books, the DVD, the musical score, the soundtrack (and quite a few fantasies and daydreams about Edward) sure, bought them with my own money. The copyright and characters? Stephenie Meyer's genius does. And for that, I'm grateful.

This is my first fanfic. One of my closest friends told me one day she forgot why she married her husband. Not that that was a bad thing. She just found a new reason everyday to fall in love with him all over again.

So I took my jealousy (yes dammit, he's gorgeous and very considerate), love for words and writing (someone tell me why I did an engineering degree again?), and my obsession with the epic couple of Bella & Edward and messed up Sum's characters a bit, (so sorry!).

Rated M for a lot of fluff and a lil intro to lemon(-ade)...

And I am my own worst critic, so bleh.

* * *

_**Raison D'être**_

She was beautiful.

More so than Bella.

My breath caught as I pondered that possibility.

_Perfect. _

Her fingers. Her toes. Even her little mouth that puckered as she slept.

She was the embodiment of my heart.

It was like God took everything that was good and perfect and beautiful and pure and made her.

Designed her. Created this ethereal specimen of beauty and innocence and placed her in my arms.

I thanked my lucky stars for her, every day.

Bella had always been my reason for life. She was my sun, my moon; everything. Everything that made me who I was today was thanks to her.

She had believed in me. She had held my hand when I was frustrated and hurt. She had rubbed my back, soothed my nerves, stood by my side when I buried my sorrows in drinking and tried to hide my pain.

She had loved me.

My mother's death had pushed me somewhere I never wanted to go again. And it was Bella who had found her way to the dark abyss and pulled me from the brink of death and brought me back to the man my mother had always told me to be.

She had saved me.

She was my constant.

But right now I couldn't feel guilty for placing her second, at this moment. She understood. She always did. All my life – since Bella gave it back to me – I had placed her, her needs first. I knew she hated it at times.

She was used to being the one to take care of everyone; her father when her own mother had died, her older brother, Emmett, when he took the blame on himself for not protecting his mother when there was nothing a 10 year-old boy could do against a drunk driver.

Bella had held her family together. She had only ever cried in the secrecy of her room. Only her best friend, and my sister, Alice knew. Besides me. I had heard her silently crying in the bathroom in one of her many sleepovers with Rosalie and Alice when we were younger. She didn't tell me then, she just cried while I held her in my arms.

From then on, when she'd fallen asleep, I'd take her back to the bedroom and Rose or Alice would tuck her in, smoothing her hair while she finally rested in her sleep. She was never more beautiful.

She had never liked being the centre of attention. She had never liked me spoiling her or spending money on her. Out of all the women I knew, except my mother, Bella was the only one who preferred books over jewellery and other trinkets.

All the diamonds and pearls I had ever bought her spent more time in her jewellery box or on Alice and Rosalie and from the day I had met her, twenty years ago, all she wore was this small sapphire pendant on a silver chain. That and her tiny silver earrings and my mother's engagement ring.

She refused to wear a wedding ring to replace my mother's ring. My mother had given her the chain on her seventh birthday, and the day I had promised to love her forever and she'd said she'd love me no matter what, I had put that ring on her finger.

I loved that about her: the simplicity. She didn't have to try and be beautiful. Inside or out. She just always was. No matter what.

While she was cooking.

When she'd cuss me about never putting my shoes away.

When she was worrying about her big brother at work; Emmett was a fireman, so that was a constant worry.

Even when she was muttering about her scatterbrained students, marking tests and sniggering over their papers. She had the most unladylike snort, her nose scrunched up when she laughed and you couldn't help but laughing too.

But she was even more beautiful while she slept. All the world melted away; she was peaceful and at ease.

Relaxed. Serene. Heavenly.

I never got tired of watching her sleep. Watching her was one of my favourite pastimes.

I felt a twinge of neglect as I focused my attention on the rose-haired beauty asleep in my arms.

I hadn't watched Bella sleep in ages. Time and time again I found myself creeping away at all times of the night to gaze upon the new face heaven saw fit to bless me with.

She was perfection with a soul.

Her steady breathing was like music to my ears and I found myself humming Bella's lullaby to her as she slept, her breathing tapping out new notes to change the symphony into a totally new and innocent creation. Much like her.

Every movement she made I was aware of.

Every sound she made I recorded mentally.

Every emotion and expression that flickered across her face I committed to memory.

And her smell. She smelled like heaven. Rain and sunshine and spring and honey and lavender. I pressed my nose to her cheek and inhaled her sweet scent. My heart skipped a beat and again I thanked the fates for my life and its blessings.

She stirred in my arms, slowly stretching. Her eyes fluttered open to meet mine and again my breath caught. Deep, chocolate brown eyes gazed back at me and I found myself swimming, floating away in the brown pools of innocence.

She reached a tiny hand forward, pulling at my nose. I chuckled and placed my hand over hers, her small fist closing around my ring finger. She gave me a wide smile as she gazed up at me.

"I think she's in love with you almost as much as I am."

I looked up to the doorway and see Bella leaning causally against it. I smiled at her as a lone tear slipped down my cheek. In an instant, she was at my side brushing it away with her lips.

"Edward," she breathed, "don't cry sweetheart."

I smiled. Bella was always trying to make me feel better. I adjusted our daughter in my arms and pulled her onto the rocking chair beside me.

"I'm alright, love." I looked into her deep brown eyes as they too, drew me in. They were swimming with tears. I kissed her forehead.

I never want to see my wife, my Bella, cry. No matter what.

I had cried because she had cried at my mother's memorial service. She had held my hand and Emmett's, staying strong for her brother as he wept at their mother's memorial.

I had cried because she was crying at our wedding. She was breathtaking even with a runny nose.

I had cried when she was in labour. Even when she had squeezed my hand and her nails dug into my palm, drawing blood, I never felt that pain. I felt her pain, because my Bella was in pain and I couldn't take it away from her.

I know how silly that sounded; I was a doctor, but still I hated seeing her in pain. It was even worth Emmett and Jasper ragging on me.

Even though I knew they understood how I felt. They were both crazed with worry during Rose's labour. Jasper claimed his hurting was a 'twin thing' and he was going to kill Emmett for putting his sister in so much pain. Emmett reminded him Alice and I were twins. I chuckled as Jasper's mouth had napped shut.

"Edward?" Bella pulled me back to now. She was settled into my side, a bottle of formula in her hands as she fed our baby.

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?" she murmured, her fingers pushing my hair away from my eyes.

"You." I turned to look at the princess lying in my arms. "And Libby."

Bella smiled at me. The toothless grin on our daughter's face mirrored my wife's.

"What about us?" My grin was wide then, spreading slowly across my face.

I bent my head to nuzzle her neck. She smelled like fresh strawberries and sunshine. She was so soft, her skin felt smooth like satin.

And that thought led my mind somewhere entirely different than the answer I was originally going to give her.

I nipped and suckled and licked, my tongue sneaking out to taste her.

"Edward..." Bella moaned, leaning her neck to give me better access. I ran my nose under her jugular; I could feel her pulse quicken against me. I nearly growled.

Reluctantly I pulled myself away from those thoughts and looked back down at Libby. She was breathing slowly now, her long lashes fluttering over closed eyes as she dreamed happy dreams.

I hope she knew she was safe with us. That her mother and father loved her more than anything else in the world and would try and protect her from the dangers and harshness of the world, even when she was old enough and no longer needed our protection.

But she would always be my Elizabeth, named after the woman who was my mother and the only mother Bella ever really knew.

I hoped one day she would allow me to spoil her like her mother never would. Bella still shook her head at my extravagance where it concerned our six-month old. But if I couldn't spoil my wife, I had every right to spoil my only child, hadn't I?

I hoped Libby would allow me that leeway.

Allow me to give her anything and everything she would ever want, within reason, as I heard Bella's stern voice in my head.

She was everything I never knew I wanted.

She was everything I never knew I would have.

A vague memory tugged at me, and I lowered my lips to my daughter's forehead, gently, much as I remember my mother doing to me so long ago.

_I live because you give me life._

I looked back at Bella. I wanted to thank her. She had given me so much, yet wanted nothing in return.

She had given me the greatest gift ever and she didn't know how grateful I was.

For her.

For Libby.

For everything.

She held my heart with a vise grip and yet she cradled it like crystal.

She gave me butterflies and made my heart sing.

I loved every molecule of her and I had vowed to every day of forever to remind her of that.

She placed her small warm hand against my cheek and I leaned into her touch. That was her way of reminding me she was here. That she still loved me.

Not because she had to.

Because she chose to.

She chose to share her life with me. She chose to help me live my own the best way I could. And she chose to bless me with proof of her love for me by blessing me with a beautiful daughter.

"I love you." I murmured.

Her warm brown eyes twinkled. "I know."

She gave me a shy smile. She brushed her fingertips gently across Libby's cheek. Gently, she took her from my arms and placed her back in her crib, kissing her head lightly. Libby smiled and snuggled deeper under her blankets.

Bella turned to me, taking my hand, pulling me up and leading me back to our room. She led me to the bed and I got in, lying on my side as she came to lie beside me. Again she placed her hand on my cheek.

"Why do you love me?" I whispered.

She told me every day she found a new reason to fall in love with me.

She gave me that smile.

The one that made my whole body overheat.

The one that brought every word, every whisper, every kiss, every touch to the forefront of my mind.

The one that multiplied every fantasy by a factor of a million.

The one that led to a very eventful romp one Saturday afternoon after trying to clean the house sometime last year that eventually led to the little miracle sleeping in the room two doors away from us.

She reached a finger to the crease between my brows. The knot that had gathered there after my train of thought had wandered immediately softened as only she could do.

"There is no one answer for that Edward. Words can't effectively describe how my heart reacts to your own. You've taken me so far, yet we don't move at all. You know my every thought, even the ones I have yet to voice. You see me at my worst and my best, beyond my soul. And for every second of every day of forever you give me yet another reason to believe that that look in your eyes is merely a fraction of your promise of love."

Her warm breath fluttered across my face as she recited my own vows to me.

"You are my reason, Bella."

She pressed a soft kiss to my jaw-line. Her lips move torturously slow towards my own, peppering soft kisses on the way. Her hands reached up to tangle in my hair, crushing my lips against hers.

I felt that tingle that sparked every time our lips met, spreading throughout my body; Bella moaned against my mouth.

I pulled my wife closer to me, her body moulding into mine; she was made for me, and I her.

Her hands pull my hair harder, her kisses getting more feverish. I hitched her leg up, pulling it over my hip while my other hand moved to tangle in her long, silky mahogany hair.

"Edward." She murmured, her breathing hitching.

I smiled against her lips.

Maybe I could give her another reason ...

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A/N .. yep .. I felt sappy.

Get at me pplz.. lemme know what you guys think ..

I'm dabbling on some more rauncy one-shots and thinking of writing a chaptered one.. soon as I can figure out somen..


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